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So many good trailers, so few good movies... 
As a guy, the hardest thing about shopping for lingerie is asking for a fitting room
I'm a smart person... I just do stupid things..
If you attack me you better kill me......because I've never been in a fight and will probably sue.
You know there comes a point where you should say NO while watching a reality show of a couple in Alaska digging a deep hole by hand in frozen ground for an outhouse because the other one has a frozen poopsicle in it. What is wrong with me?
I'd rather live each day as if it's my 2nd to last day. My last day will probably involve a lot of blood and I'm a little bit squeamish.
Dudes,,, If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say,,,, talk in your sleep
So I'm assuming that North West won't be a One Direction fan?
So apparently washing machine riding should be done in the privacy of your own home. Oops!
What doesn't kill me just makes me want to kill someone else.
I miss the 80s when everyone wasn't such an oversensitive online twat!
My heart has no room for you but the trunk of my car does!
There's a special place in he'll for autocorrect.
World population:7,018,521,68. just in case some one starts feeling too important !!!
You never really forgive the friend who tricked you int0 watching "2 Girls 1 Cup".
I'd bet any of you good money that there's a woman mad at you right now and you have absolutely no idea why.
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked
I'm torn between living skinny and dying happy.
We can talk to astronauts in space, but we can't get phone reception inside elevators.
Yo bro, I wasn't sold on you being a cool dude, but that tint job on your Neon really speaks to me. 