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Page: 185 of 5594
If you are ever out in public and you see misbehaved kids running around - start running with them it really brings the nonsense to a halt.
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10-15-2019 04:14
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I wish I was as optimistic as the wives that believe they can change their husbands into the men they thought they married.
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10-23-2019 04:40
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Damn, I wish I had a structured settlement so I could get cash now!
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10-30-2019 13:47
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If you say "I'm fine" while squirting a can of whipped cream straight into your mouth, people won't believe you but they will also leave you alone.
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11-03-2019 06:14
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Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson are going to merge and become one company. Their new name will be "Titty Titty Bang Bang."
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11-17-2019 16:18
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if you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock thats humerus no, I’m not sorry
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11-18-2019 08:47
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Did you know the Boeing 767 is made up of 3.1 million parts from 800 different manufacturers, each of whom was the lowest bidder? Anyways, have safe flight when you head home for Thanksgiving!
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11-22-2019 10:56
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Divorce is never funny. Unless it’s happening to your ex who got engaged six weeks after you broke up.
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01-14-2020 06:35
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Accidentally left the plunger in the toilet, so yeah the wife is wide awake now.
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01-15-2020 06:40
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The batteries in my electric toothbrush died before I finished. I've never smpathized more with women in my life.
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01-16-2020 04:04 by
Starman
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It takes a long time to delete 900 million dollars worth of stuff from an Amazon shopping cart.
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01-19-2020 08:39
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I thought I liked movies but it turns out I just like eating candy in dark rooms where no one can talk to me
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01-21-2020 02:59 by
Rickster
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According to Pinterest, I'm severely under-utilizing mason jars.
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01-21-2020 08:12
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My neighbors kid thinks I'm some kind of wizard because I can start a car by blowing in a tube.
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01-30-2020 07:03
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All these people running around with masks on.... Made in China
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01-31-2020 15:04 by
Rick
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When the Eagles wrote the lyric "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device," they weren't kidding. Posted from my iPhone
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02-11-2020 13:01
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Show her you care by grabbing anything off the CVS shelf with a heart on it.
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02-12-2020 11:36
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I'm not gonna wear uggs or crocs or any other shoe that sounds like a noise my body makes involuntarily.
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02-18-2020 09:14
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hey teens, you think you're angry now, wait until you have to buy your own toilet paper
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02-19-2020 08:12
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Wife: how did you get all that dirt under your fingernails? Me: it's brownies..
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03-03-2020 09:25
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