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apperently the world is ending today.....just got my surf gear ready....just in case that tsunami decides to come.....have to ride that shyt before I die :D......LOL 
A fool is a wise man's ladder.
Our inner demons would get along wonderfully.
I have the need for speed...and $125 for this ticket.
"There are no stupid questions" - People who have never tried to watch football with their girlfriends.
TIME SAVING TIP: Don't bother
Sometimes I look at all this cool stuff I own and realise that I probably wouldn't have any of it if I was married.
i wish my bottle of vodka could cuddle back :/
Sex, Food, Sleep, & Poops. General male happiness depends on how good these 4 things are at any given time.
Good thing I formed a secret neighborhood watch. Based on my inventory of my neighbor's trash, there are some weirdo's around me…
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn't want to ruin my day by talking to you.
I've never stolen a kiss, but I've paid for a relationship.
What a rip-off! I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
Some people dream of success, others are awake & work hard at it.
So what's the best wine to bring to a job interview? Does anybody know? I got an interview tomorrow morning.
Cuddled up to my girlfriend last night, she said, “Aw you finally chose me over Facebook!” I just didn't have the heart to tell her my battery just died.
People with beards apparently have something to hide. Femininity for example, if they are a woman.
Let’s argue about the little things that don’t matter so we can avoid the big things that do.
I waterboard my girlfriends until they tell me what's wrong.
Maybe the black smoke simply means they need a new chimney sweep. 