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Sometimes, when you're having a sh!tty day and you're really stressed out, all it takes is something small, like stubbing your toe, having your printer malfunction, or losing your scissors, to make you break down in tears and lose all hope. 
Guys do a pretty good impression of a meerkat whenever a pretty girl walks into a crowded bar.
Love is like a game, Some people Cheat and some prefer to play it fair.
Does complaining count as protesting? Cause if so, I'm now a two-time winner of this Time Person of the Year thing.
Carry yourself like a queen and you will attract a king! Carry yourself like a hoe, and see how far you will go.
If your body is a temple, I have a confession to make.
It's Hard for me to catch feelings, and Easy for me to lose them.
You cannot taste me until you undress me. Sincerely , Banana
Swallow it dammit, it's good for you - Your Pride
I like my women like I like my chemistry… hard to understand and capable of blowing up at any time.
This photo booth is always out of toilet paper.
Are there any other animals besides humans who communicate unnecessarily?
just heard Anderson Cooper announced he's gay. Don't worry ladies, you still have a shot at Lou Dobbs.
How many of you are household pets reading this while your owners nap?
i went on a pleasure trip this morning. I took my mother in law back to the airport.
Its funny how head and shoulders becomes head, shoulders, knees and toes, when I run out of body wash.
7/9 = No bra day! Who is responsible for failing to send me the memo? My day could've been a whole lot brighter
I delete enough status updates to know that I should never get a tattoo...
the only way you know who your real friends are is when you change your birthday on facebook and see who write "happy birthday!" on your wall
Does this mean diaper prices are going down...? 