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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another 
If I had a chainsaw, that would be my answer to everything
Sugar Babies --- College girls hooking up with older men to pay their tuition.
My teleporter’s broken, I've lost my superpowers, and my sidekick is out of town. Only one last hope for humanity: Must... get.... the... cork... out... of... this... wine.... bottle.....
presently poking others but your poke is important to her. Please stay online and your pokes will be returned in the order they were received. Approximate wait time is five minutes.
My browser just told me it blocked a pop up and I gave it a cookie.
I find it odd that people say they are poor yet all family members have smart phones,laptops, hundreds channels on TV. Game consoles..
When asked which method of payment will be used, I always put "in collections".. that way they can just skip the middle man.
It's disappointing that even in this golden age of gender equality the number of female kidnappers remains appallingly low.
I'm going to decorate a valentines box and take it to work tomorrow. I'm not going to answer anyone's questions until they give me a valentine...
Apparently this couple in the park holding hands were not trying to start a pick up game of Red Rover
If this van's a rockin'?,,, the front wheel must have come off the cinder block... Just knock on the trailer door, someone's usually home
The first rule of Suspense Club is................
Shout out to all the 90's baby's, with no babies!
I ALWAYS cry after sex because I don't know when I'm getting it again.
If I didn't have internet I'd be asleep 4hrs earlier every night!
The only time sex should be taken off the table is if I am moving her to the counter instead
I do not care how old I am. I am going in the bouncy castle!
China has blocked Twitter. Now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I'm having for lunch.
I've got money left over for condoms or lottery tickets. I'm trying to calculate the odds. 