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You know you're getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous. 
Whenever I walk into a Wal-Mart I automatically hate everyone.....including myself.
There's nothing sexier than an intelligent woman who can f uck like she's stupid
I would love to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.
Ladies be careful, some of these guys don't want to get into your pants, they want to wear them.
You will always find me in the kitchen at parties... unless you've stashed the booze in a different room.
Where I am from, if I was "16 And Pregnant" I'd get an ass beating not a TV show.
Look, if we all work together, we can lift and move New Orleans to a new location...
I should have known it wasn't going to be a real Supercut when they put my cape on backwards.
If there was an accepted currency worldwide, it would be Beer.
Love me or hate me. Either way I'm on your mind and I'm flattered.
Gravity didn't seem this strong twenty-five years ago. :-/
Darn it, someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Get over the Kellyanne picture folks, it's not the first time a woman has been on her knees in the White House. Sad!
My favourite Celine Dion song is the one where it's muted all the way through.
Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.
Im so broke I have black boy in Africa sponsoring me.
...... In the end ..... without even a fight .... A once great Nation .... Was gone. History in the making. Vote wisely folks.
If illegals in California start using plastic straws, will they finally be deported?
Does anyone have the owner's manual for a wife? Mine's emitting a terrible whining noise. 