Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
On Dasher, on Dancer, on Master Card and Visa. 
"I was playing chess with my friend and he said ‘Let's make this more interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."
Don't get fooled by the free toilet paper app., My phone is ruined now
I know today is starting out to be a bad day, even my Rice Krispies went SH*T,CRAP,AND F*CK .
Makeup, soda, sandwich, texting, talking, then I realized she was driving the car in front of me, in traffic.
Gentleman...... Start Your Livers!!!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman slightly inconvenienced.
Everyone was touching and kissing the trophy. I was just waiting for someone to hump the damn thing.
That moment of epic sadness when you shut down the computer and then you realize that you need it again.
If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.
I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person that looks good refuses to delete it
I saw a squirrel eating a dead squirrel on the way home. So, the bath salt/zombie crisis has now reached the animal kingdom...
Facts do something the media never does...tell the truth.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I'm not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
I'm the black sheep of my family, or as I like to say, I'm not the boring one.
My hair has the 'I just did it' look going on. My hair is a liar.
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn't make me excited, pull the plug.
When is decency going to be cool again?
Note to self: When picking your nose in the car... watch out for speed bumps.
If you can't figure out where you stand with someone, it might be time to stop standing and start walking. 