Funny Status Messages

   Why is that cotton candy talking? Grandma, that's Niki Minaj.

   Sexy is when a woman is hot enough to flaunt it but chooses not to

   Hey Target, it's Mid October, calm down on the xmas stuff!-Santa

   Why are they called One Direction? Looks to me like they go both ways.

   Intelligence is like underwear. It's important that you have it but there's no need to show it off.

   My generation's zombies didn't run. They walked. Uphill. In the snow. They ate what brains they could find and they liked it.

   When a woman says she doesn't want a boyfriend what she really means is that she doesn't want you. Remember women are liars

   If Michael Douglas ever gets rectal cancer we're in for one hell of a story.

   You ever had garbage in one hand but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand? LOL. Anyways, the baby's ok.

   We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!

   If you love someone , let them go. If they dont come back, call them up later when your drunk and see wtf is going on

   New Yorkers could probably bail that water out a lot faster if they weren't limited to using 16 oz cups,,,, huh Bloomberg??

   My favorite Black Friday tradition is watching the day's Walmart tramplings on the evening news.

   I'm tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ's sake people, don't you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!

   If you don't want me to sing at your kids then don't name them Roxanne.

   Privilege is wearing $200 sneakers when you've never had a job.

   going to get a tattoo that says "Live Without Regrets", and have it spelled wrong.

   You know you're getting older when the candles cost more than the cake.

   Dear BP, ....Lower your gas prices a good amount and we'll call it even.

   Me and my girlfriend are having a communication problem. Every time I ring, her husband answers the phone.