Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Who wants to go to walmart and show off our teeth?

   I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I'll remember you.

   Why do people complain about how broke/poor they are sitting at the bar drinking beer and smoking cigarettes?

   There are good status updates, then there are bad status updates ... then there's 50 feet of crap, then there's mine.

   Blessed are the young, For they shall inherit the National debt.

   I don't regret my past I just regret the time I've wasted with the wrong people!

   I saw two kids today texting each other on their cell phones while standing maybe two feet away from each other. Dear Future: I'm sorry.

   Dear ladies: We are not that hard to find. We are in the friend zone, right where you left us. Sincerely, The nice guys.

   Hello, this is OnStar Mr Gadaffi. We noticed that your car is not moving, is everything OK? ..... Hello,...Hello?

   Breast awareness month: we stare because we care

   I just seen a video of Miley Cyrus singing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on YouTube... As if a shotgun to the face wasn't tragic enough for Nirvana.

   My office Christmas party is tonight, which means my office apology party will be tomorrow.

   I'm giving up my new year's resolution for lent

   Ladies. dont jump to conclusions that your boyfriend is cheating just because he never wants you to look at his phone. Its probably just full of porn

   Do I really need a 3ft receipt for buying a coke and a pack of gum?

   I'm currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It's called b*tches and hoes.

   The clearer your conscience, the more likely you are to answer a call from an unknown number.

   I'm not comfortable with the fact that there's a skeleton inside me.

   The people who wear Bluetooth headsets always look like the people least likely to ever receive phone calls.

   I'm getting sick of these p orn sites listing my videos as "amateur".