Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If your depressed about the world, remember that sea otters hold hands so they dont float away while sleeping

   You know you are ugly when your profile pic is never you.

   If you ever feel sad remember that there's a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.

   - since it is the thought that counts...I'll just keep sitting here THINKING about being productive this evening

   I love American Idol. Except for the judges, the singers, and Ryan Seacrest.

   I still have nightmares about that time I gave my eskimo friend a house-warming present

   Anybody looking to trade some Nerds for a few Almond Joys?

   The best part about the daylight savings tonight is that I get to hear last call called twice.

   Medical fact: If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle she'll probably suck it as well!

   Pharmacist to Customer: To buy anti-depression pills, Sir you need a proper prescription.. Simply showing a pic of your wife is not enough.

   Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. The only KKK that will let bIack guys inside them.

   I just watch a naked Chinese man run into a wall at full speed with a hard on. He broke his nose.

   If a person from Iceland and a person from Cuba have a baby together, would it be considered an ice cube?

   Nobody loved poor Rudolph, until his birth defect served a purpose...nice story for the kids

   Girls ignore nice guys, Chase a$#holes, Then they have the nerve to complain about it..

   Even though he was voiced by James Earl Jones, Darth Vader definitely wasn't black because he never would have admitted he was Luke's father.

   If you're in a relationship. I don't know why you feel the need to upload 10 selfies a day. Look at your boyfriend instead of a camera . You attention seeking hoe

   glad to see that people all over are outraged over the death of Dillon Taylor, the unarmed white male killed by a black police officer. oh wait...

   I just picked out a Valentines Card from the Ben Roethlisberger collection. It came with a roofy, two advil for the day after and a do-it-yourself police report..

   He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.....