Funny Status Messages

   Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo

   Being stuck in the'' friend zone'' is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.

   Dollar store pregnancy tests: For when you sorta wanta know

   So far my bracket is perfect! I can't wait to fill the rest of it in.

   courage turns quickly into fear when you attempt to kill a cockroach and it flies.

   I learned all my dance moves from the paternity test episodes of Maury.

   In World Cup news, the England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6...

   maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.

   It's getting harder and harder to tell Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife apart.

   Kim Kardashian wants to break the internet? All this no talent hack needs to do to break the internet is to sit on it.

   The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...

   Somewhere someone's therapist knows you.

   Today is the official day for guys to start Christmas shopping!!!!

   What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?

   I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.

   When you're tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."..

   154 U.S. Walmarts are going to close, reducing their total number of open checkout lanes by 6.

   I remember when a minimum wage job was a stepping stone, not a career.

   .... I'm puzzled .... How did America go from being a nation that figured out how to put a man on the moon ... To one that is confused about which bathroom to use?

   It's a shame that we live in a society that praises the pretenders, rewards the liars and promotes the talentless.