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Why doesn't Maury just do the show from backstage? All the women run back there when they find out that none of the 23 guys they tested are her baby daddy.
How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
I didn't say your stupid just everything you like is
I failed my Health and Safety class test today. Apparently, when they ask you,"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin' large ones" is not the correct answer.
brought to you today by the neighbor's router
Theres no feeling as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment you realize that your finger just went through the toilet paper...
I bet if I was a hot chick and I left a status that said "I'm brushing my hair". It would get about 50 likes.
When I die I want to be be reincarnated as a spider. Just so I can finally hear a women say "Oh my God, it's huge!"
Sometimes when I wanna be really romantic........ I light a candle when I masturbate
Ugh. Do I really need to register to your website to leave a comment? I just need to disagree with this assh0le real quick.
Wouldn’t it be great if people could only get AIDS from being a Politician who screws with the economy and causes a Government Shutdown?
Well, I got the new restraining order today. So if anyone needs a stalker I am available. I have mad stalking skills plus references.
Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you'll feed him for life. Give a octopus nunchuks and nobody's going to bother those fish again.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded
Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk and asks for a condom. They ask "shall we put it on your bill", she says "are you thucking thupid i'll thuffocate!"......
will never gonna figure out why they call it Miss Universe when our planet is the only one competing.
Note to self: I think we should see other people.
Divorce attorney: $3,500. Mediator fees: $575. Court costs: $130. Finally being legally and financially free from that former 'significant other': PRICELESS!
Instead of tagging me in ugly pictures on Facebook, I wish you could just say "I hate you" straight to my face. 