Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes the difference between pleasure and pain is one inch.

   "I bet you I can get people to buy the shirt from a game they don't even know how to play." -Ralph Lauren

   Love your job but don't love your company because you may not know when your company stops loving you.

   Anyone else thinking they should drop Mike Rice into North Korea, just to get the ball rolling already?

   I don’t care how old you are, the only safe way to guarantee the monster under the bed doesn’t grab you is to use the run and jump method

   Your ability to provide food is the only thing keeping your cat from murdering you.

   HR: Let's talk about why you were late today... Me: I told you!.. HR: DRAGONS AREN'T "RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION!".. Me: Duh,,That's why I was late

   It is bit unsettling how these ads on FB target you. Saw one today that said something like this: "Young, hot women looking for over 50 guys that are under 5"8" with symptoms of ADHD!" Sign up today!!"

   Stop focusing on the meaning of life and focus on finding a life with meaning.

   What doesn't kill you, leaves you alive for something else that will.

   I promise to love you for better or until things get worse.

   There is no problem so big that it can't be solved with a little self-delusion.

   It's not arrogance if I say it isn't

   experiencing life at a rate of several WTF's a minute

   smile and the world smiles with you, fart and you're on your own.

   If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

   working, and having short Facebook breaks... but is now on Facebook with short work breaks... much more fun!

   It took me many years to lose my mind. Why the hell would I want a piece of yours?

   If TMZ doesn't follow me home from work today, I'm done wearing these ridiculous Lady Gaga costumes.

   I think that someday we'll look back on all of this and blame someone else.