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wishes that "mafia wars" would get into a turf war with "farm town" and all the mobsters and farmers would kill each other so I wouldn't have to get anymore invites to fake shoot people or to grow some virtual celery. 
I'm calling in blind this morning. I can't see myself going into work today.
is putting out an APB for a large orange orb that gives off light, warmth and occasional melanoma. Last seen 10 days ago. Goes by the nickname "sunny." Call 1-800-4SPRING if found.
so F'n tired of those cheesy Old Navy mannequin commercials!!! Are they really hurting for money that they cant pay real actors????
Ladies, if the story he is telling you is extremely detailed then he is lying.
Batman has a lot of cool toys,, but if he uses anything but a laser pointer to catch Catwoman in the next movie,, I'll be really disappointed.
I don't get these "my body is a temple" people. I prefer to think of mine as a "bar & grill."
People would be way more pissed if that guy ate a puppy's face
why is it a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you
It is amazing how many problems you can solve by ignoring them.
smaller the breasts, better the eye contact
Playing hard to get should stop when the relationship starts.
You'll never be around more people that want to kill you than when you walk into a restaurant 5 minutes before they close.
Lighters should have an attached sticker that reads: Caution: Will go missing in a week.
Count Chocula, the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and the Teddy Grahams Bear perish in house fire. S'more at eleven.
I'd love to make money at home in my spare time. But counterfeiting is harder than you'd think.
Sometimes when your sad, no one cares. Sometimes when you cry, no one sees. Sometimes when you leave no one notices. But fart just one time.
In New York you can't drink more than a 16 oz. soda, but it is okay to stuff yourself with 68 hotdogs and buns in 10 minuts.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Teenage: have time & energy but no money Working age: have money & energy but no time Old age: have time & money but no energy! ~ 