Funny Status Messages

   Saving alot on my car insurance by deciding to drive without it...

   The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

   making his stand at Thermopylae.

   luckily for some adults, illiteracy is not a crime.

   just completed Step 1) Cut a hole in a box.

   In the 60's and 70's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

   There is no such thing as government money, only taxpayer money.

   My mask broke while I was in a store and I felt like Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl.

   i have been upgraded to Santas naughty list Platinum member

   I got a letter from my crush on Valentine's Day. Well, technically it's a restraining order but still....

   I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

   At my age, I still do dumb stuff, but only slower.

   I bought my kids electric toothbrushes because it was taking too long to splatter toothpaste all over the bathroom w/the regular toothbrush.

   To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet - you can hide, but you can't run.

   When Robert E. Lee was in high school, I wonder if he was voted Most Likely to Secede.

   An ugly dude asking you out is NOT sexual harassment.

   it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone's mouth while they are talking?

   Walking past a new employee's desk & yelling, "Do you think it's a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.

   Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my "M" back..... you know, since you're not using it. Sincerely, _usic

   was playing "FARMVILLE" when immigration showed up and took all my workers ! ! !