Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I'm selling baby shirts that says "Not everything stays in Vegas." 
I just found a bag filled with cigarette butts, a used pregnancy test, and a bunch of empty PBR cans. I'm calling it "Trailer Mix."
Sanity is a luxury not meant for everyone
Satan called, he wants his weather back..
I'm a big fan of 50 Cent, or as he's known in Zimbabwe, four hundred million dollars.
Does anyone else's leg falsely alert you that your phones vibrating? I hate that!
Leaving me a 3 minute voicemail is unnecessary
Not having to set an alarm for the next day is one of the best feelings in the world!
My wife said that she's going to leave me. But before she does, she is going to make sure that my bank balance is $0. That's nice of her, paying off my overdraft.
They say the best thing to do for a woman is to make her laugh. I'd feel better if I actually spoke before she started laughing.
This girl tells me "you only call me when your bored "ughhh.... duhh!! why would I call you when i'm busy?!?
I saw a guy in a Prius run out of gas... instead of giving him a ride,, I sent him positive energy & world peace cause that means more to him.
Kanye West would be folding sweaters at the Gap right now if Tupac and Biggie were still around.
RECYCLING RULE 101: if no one saw what clothes you were wearing today, its totally fine to wear them again tomorrow.
Sadly we often see the best in humanity only after times of great tragedy...
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
Biden created the most heavily armed terrorist nation in history.
Your In ur bed, it's 6 AM,u close ur eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school, it's 1:30,u close your eyes for 5 minutes,it"s 1:31
ALERT SENIORS TEXTING CODE……..ATD..At The Doctors. BFF..Best Friend Fell. BTW..Bring the Wheelchair. BYOT..Bring Your Own Teeth
I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet. 