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Being in hot water isn't so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne. 
So this whole working for a living sh*t goes on for how long?
One thing parenting has taught me- telling a kid they're tired is like telling a drunk person they're drunk. Anger and denial follows
The only time I've ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
You had me at "there's no security cameras."
Tequila probably won't fix your problems, but it's worth a shot.
some people should put professional victim on their resumé
If there is anything I learned from 80's movies it's that I'm the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
looking at the "voluntary" tax contribution box on his 1040 form and wondering what planet those IRS guys are from.
According to the segment on American Idol's "Idol Gives Back", they just showed $10 was able to purchase 90 lbs of food. Where do these people shop? I can't do that at Wal-Mart, Kroger, or any other place.
When you put 'aspiring' in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I'm unemployed.
I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way. Which is really the WRONG way, only faster!
the only thing more funny then this stupid status update is that your still taking time out of your busy day to read it..
With great power comes a great electric bill...
Ed Hardy makes condoms now? Fine by me. I think we can all agree that anybody who buys one probably shouldn't breed.
Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
taking a trip to the "far side" today.. Yes.. I am going to Wal-Mart..
I thought I was going crazy. So I went to a therapist. After half an hour, he paid me to leave. I heard that he is now seeing a therapist.
Many people are not smart enough to understand their own stupidity
if nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing? 