Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
RIP Jack Kevorkian dead at 83. Final stats: 0 points, 0 rebounds, and 130 assists. 
I am pretty certain it is easier to become a Navy SEAL than it is to get a damn fly out of my car.
I live every day like it's my first. There's a lot of crying and sleeping involved.
The coolest part about wallet chains is that they let potential thieves know your wallet isn't worth stealing.
My wife asked me if I wanted to go on a date for Valentine's, so I asked her with who and do I know her...................then the trouble started.
We're responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
My life can be summed up in an overwhelming urge to wash my hands.
Does this comic book collection make me look single?
I have life moments when all I can do is stop and say "Seriously?"
I wish getting old meant growing a majestic pair of antlers.
I am not grumpy. I'm just not a fan of other people today.
69 will never be a normal number.
I'm doing my bit to help kick-start the economy... I've started printing money too.
Sometimes you wish you could just fast forward time just to see if in the end it's all worth it,..
The week seems to go by at the speed of a snail. Unless it's the weekend. Then the snail is driving a Ferrari.
When Bill Gates feels like a million bucks, he's having a crappy day.
My brain is about as organized as the WalMart $5 DVD bin.
when I have a headache , I take 2 asprins and keep away from children . jus like it says on the bottle.
Thanks, autocorrect. I'm sure she's dying to know about my huge peninsula.
Just think,,, 20 years ago my television set weighed 350lbs.. And my wife weighed 105lbs ... 