Funny Status Messages

   It's normal for kids to play 'doctor.' Start worrying if you find them playing 'airport security.'

   Just when you think you have buried the past, They find another Body...

   I can't believe that it's the year 2010 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.

   "Until death do us part” means we're all single in heaven, right?

   Do fleas ever wonder if there's life on other dogs?

   say's never go to a Doctor whose plants are dead in the waiting room!

   thinks single-ply toilet paper should be a human rights violation.

   There should be a statute of limitations on how long a person gets to blame their crappy childhood for their shortcomings.

   I am the undefeated champion of this"smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don't-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day" game

   YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I'm watching how to make ice cream.

   When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.

   Don't ask me stupid questions and I won't hurt your stupid feelings.

   Hey Guys, I don't have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.

   So I've never done cocaine, but I have a question. Why do people do it in the bathroom? If you were doing a drug that you had to sniff really hard to do, isn't someplace where people poop not the ideal place?

   I'm not afraid that the world is going to end.... I'm afraid that it isn't going to change....

   My doctor is getting REALLY tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.

   Do you brush your teeth without making a mess like in the commercials bause I usually look like I have minty fresh rabies.

   Dating Tip: If she hasn't kissed you by the third date, she's there for the food.

   I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.

   Yes,,, The bathrooms by the pool are a nice touch but completely unnecessary.