Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Guys, for Valentine's Day leave 3 notes scattered around your house for your girlfriend that say "Will", "you", and "me." That'll keep her busy while you watch sports.

   Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I'm gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"

   Whenever a stranger asks our baby's name, I always say he hasn't told us yet.

   Hey ladies, tired of your boyfriend complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.

   When the kids wander around the house I can just see them thinking, "what can I f*ck up?"

   I'm so gangsta that I change the channels holding the remote sideways.

   Did you know that "Dammit I'm Mad" spelled backwards is "Dammit I'm Mad?"

   I could never trust a psychic who hasn't won the lottery at least once.

   If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.

   Irony = Someone posting a status about how broke they are and at the bottom of their post it says: 8 minutes ago via iPad2

   Autocorrect has been around for centuries, I got mine when I married my wife.

   Most stoners seem like they're not too bright. But ask them about weed and they turn into a walking Wikipedia.

   Lawsuit claims Taco Bell tacos only 35% real beef. I think I speak for all of us when I say wow that much?

   What if they read a list of everything you've ever typed into Google before entering Heaven...

   Do I still have to go to medical school if I just wanna be the guy who yells "WE'RE LOSING HIM!"?

   I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.

   Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home. We all know you're doing it for attention and we all know that you'll be back.

   I'm honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.

   Not having to set an alarm for the next day is one of the best feelings in the world!

   Before Facebook, if I read something really funny I would laugh. Now I just click the "Like" button without changing my facial expression at all.