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If we are being honest, we all have dated a man/woman that we would feed to a tiger. 
The 11th Commandment:...Thou shalt not covid thy neighbor
Then: Teenage girls kept a private diary and got upset if anyone read it. Now: They reveal everything on Facebook and get upset if no one reads it.
People who confuse the word "burro" with "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
I googled my symptoms into Web Md. Turns out I have Gary Busey .
Tried to make my own hand sanitizer but I think I just made a margarita.
The worst part about working from home is when your coworkers clog the toilet
I feel like I'm watching a tv show called "Lockdown Got Talent" because this lockdown has people thinking they're gym instructors, chefs, dancers, etc...
Brooks Brothers just filed for bankruptcy, so now I might never be able to use this $50 gift card on one sock.
Hate is too powerful an emotion
to waste on somebody
you don't even like.
My girlfriend asked me when I last had s ex with someone that wasn't her. I said.... "back in '06". It sounds much better than "June"
Behind every boss there are employees wondering if going to prison for felony assault would really be all that bad...
Grew up in the south so for me a fancy restaurant was a place that offered you the choice of biscuit or cornbread.
And when I die, this will all be yours...... *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags
I'm 100% convinced that for every sock that is lost in the dryer one comes back as an extra Tupperware lid
Q-Tips. The only product that warns you against its only use.
come on folks.... bring on the funnies
"Erectile Dysfunction" is such a harsh term. Why not just call it "Sleepy Peepee?"
I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds, but then I got a Facebook Account and now I'm over it.
Facebook needs a "I'll Drink To That" button. 