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It's just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms 
Yes, your smart devices can talk to each other now and they are giggling about you behind your back.
If you buy weight loss products at GNC the only thing you'll lose is your money...
I always ask if I can pay in bitcoins now, not because I have any but because I want to be cool
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
If you receive a text/forward that says, ”Send it to all your friends,” then please don't consider me as your friend while forwarding it, thanks
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you
"It wasn’t me" - First rule of fart club
Florida traffic is a confusing mix of NASCAR rejects and people old enough to have owned a Model T.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
Maybe I should have just gotten in the van.
I prefer to think of myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair. Besides, "stalker" is such an ugly word.
"did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"
Alexa, clean up my act!
It's really cold out there folks. If you're heading out to Walmart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non-removable screws.
The minute you post an incorrect spelllling on line you find a hundred unemployed Teachers on social sites!
The penalty for bigamy is having two mother in-laws.
I have my doubts about all these new "smart waters" considering how easily they were captured and bottled 