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Just want to thank all the people who reviewed "Star Wars" on Netflix. You guys swayed me, I'll check it out 
Kids are cute until they start using drugs
It's smart how Freddy Krueger never attacked a community college. He knew he couldn't hurt or kill people whose dreams have already died.
Women are from Hearts and Men are from Pen*s.
See how long it takes you to get arrested in Walmart for starting a trail of gummy bears from the toy section to the bathrooms
Every call from my mother is a judgment call.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you piss me off, your balls will be, too.
Ice cream just seems to taste better with tears.
If strippers are now called exotic dancers then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist
Relax. You’re not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings; we’re boozers, boozers go to parties.
Cat + Laser = Loss of bladder control
Give a man a fish, And he'll eat for a day,,, turn a man into a fish, and I have NO IDEA I DIDNT EXPECT THAT TO WORK, KEEP SWIMMING GEORGE!! HOLD ON!?
there may be a re-count for Pope. Turns out there were some hanging chads.
If North Korea was to attack USA with a nuclear missile, which state do you think they should hit. Asking for North Korea.
I hate when people say, " I gotta get my body right for the summer" I mean That's great and all, but who is going to fix your face?
Like my daddy always said, "just because it kills your liver, dont mean it aint medicine."
The most attractive quality in a woman is alcohol.
If you can't be with the one you love, throw yourself into oncoming traffic
Finally got a kiss at my favorite spot......Thanks Herseys!
Noah from (Notebook) sent 365 letters to Ally. That's one letter a day for a year and you can't even send me ONE TEXT MESSAGE. B*tch swerve. 