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Wishing I was hot sticky and sweet. 
The best things are unseen,that's why we close our eyes when we Kiss,Laugh and Dream
Keep your friends close and your enemies...on a tight leash.
who's your daddy and what does he do? Governor California
Faithful and trust worthy partners are like a thong on a fat girl…so hard to find.
i heard tim pawlenty has pulled out of the GOP race. Well I guess he can now finally go back to his regular job as being nicholas cages stunt double. oh wait hes jobless too...my bad
the economy is so bad I saw a walmart CEO shopping at walmart
Netflix is raising their prices again?! This sounds like a job for Hacker Group Anonymous!
If you will lie about the little things, before long you'll lie about bigger things
Beauty without virtue is like a rose without scent.
The University of Maryland uniforms were so ugly that a University of Miami player was overheard saying "You couldn't pay me to wear those uniforms"
In other news Apple bans apples from all grocery stores.
She has butter legs – they spread easily.
Money can't buy love; you are just paying for their attention and time.
I thought of Lady Gaga when I ordered skirt steak.
if gene pool wre like swimmin pool id drain mine & start over with fresh untainted water
Visiting your extremely religious Grandma can be a day full of uncomfortable feelings and guilt. This is because Grandma has a little Dogma that's obsessed with chasing after everyone elses Karma.
Rumors are the sauce of a dry life.
During sex, anyone can say I love you, but only a few are going to stay and prove it.
Crowded elevators smell different to little people 