Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one...

   In Call of Duty you can get booted for inactivity, let's put this into dating rules.

   NASA has some crazy $hit on their bucket list!!

   You're the only thing that doesn't make sense in my life.

   Life is full of rejection. Even my credit card has been denied

   I'm emotionally unavailable and sexually unobtainable... When I'm sober.

   Britney Spears is a judge on the X Factor and Khloe Kardashian is a host. Is this a circus or a music competition?

   She broke my heart I broke her iPhone. Imagine who cried more?

   We got it own to a science. You keep sending those facebook invites, and I'll keep declining 'em.

   What do you mean sex with no strings attached, how else am I gonna tie that ass up?

   Today's marks the 5th anniversary of being with my girl and my current job. The difference is my job still suck$.

   WebMD says I have hypochondria... is that serious? :o\

   Last night at the bar tried a new pick up line - told a woman it was my birthday. Only thing that turned her on was the possibility of cake.

   dear Hollywood: When you find an action star who's not gay and taller than the girl, let me know...

   I like it when they surprise you with that little silica gel candy in new shoes. New sneakers and a snack!

   Accidentally bought Nascar Oreos...Now I feel like White Trash

   Online dating creeps me out! I'll stick with good old-fashioned prison pen-pals.

   Enjoy the little things in life, because one day, you’ll look back and realize that they were actually big things.

   what time do they drop the ball to set our clocks ahead?

   Hold your horses there Plex-King. A little moderation if you please.