Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

   if Americans took all that energy they spend insulting bieber and snooki and diverted it to the gym am sure you would be much happier and skinny

   first comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring and finally the suffering

   making love to your pregnant wife is like putting gas in a car you've already wrecked.

   if praying works why are churches full of fat people?

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

   knows is all. I just cant remember it all at once!

   "She came to me one night. explored my body.. licked.. sucked.. swallowed. when satisfied she left. I was hurt... Damn mosquito!" you DIRTY MIND! LOL!

   if you bet an emo kid 20 bucks that he won't kill himself, you'll either be 20 bucks richer or break even

   wonders why there is no swine flu in Iran and asks if it is because of veils or not

   Help me, My stomach is eating my throat.......this is a job for pizza man....

   wondering did someone ever give Sean Paul the light

   WTF? You look like you've been slapped by the Devil....!!!

   if you want to feel skinny....hang out with a group of fat people!

   I'm thinking about suing the US postal service over their slogan "If it fits~It ships".... If that were true I'd be on my way to Hawaii right now.....

   Mrs Claus must get quite lonely this time of year. Hmm...think I'll take a ride up to the north pole tonight. ;0)

   I was going to go to the gym and run 7 miles tomorrow morning to continue trying to look good but then I remembered I own Photoshop like some of you guys.

   So happy Regis Philbin is finally retiring...I hear he's been trying to vacate his stool for years.

   Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm burning, burning..Oh, Doctor, doctor, is this love I'm feeling? OK.. Thompson Twins I am going to say no if you are taking a piss!

   Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.