Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Tropical Storm 2013 Tip: To avoid lacerations while looting, be sure to wear puncture-resistant silicone oven mitts when crowbarring shop windows.....

   I want to start a new liquor company and call it "Responsibly". Free advertising since all liquor companies advise you to drink it, and you don't need to feel guilt because you're drinking Responsibly!

   A girl just asked what I would call a girl who would do just about anything sexually on the first date. I told her I would call her... immediately!!!!

   Don't choose someone if they have to think twice about choosing you.

   Women who think the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach are aiming too high... jest saying

   wake me up when September ends

   I only fall for women that are cold, damaged and empty inside. That way I don't get accused of up a good thing.

   Marriage, or as I like to call it...grim death!

   If you don't grab the opportunity by the ass someone else will.

   Mmmmm. . .pi.

   Heard a rap song that didn't mention money, cars or hoes...Now i'm frantically trying to remember whether I took the blue or green pill!

   If being interrogated counts as talking to people then yes, I've been talking to people.

   I hate getting out of the shower only to discover I have no real friends.

   Anyone who lets facebook determine their relationships is an infant.

   Silly phone, that wasn't a missed call. That was a “I looked and saw who it was and pressed ignore” call.

   i used to have super power but my therapist took them away

   Girls always win because girls always have the v@ginas.

   Status Upd@tes are like skirts. The shorter the better.

   Anyone know of a good book for training hamsters? Trying to amass my army.

   What's a nice guy like you doing in a b!tch like her?