Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   making friends and influencing people

   Obama just announced his NEW plan! He is going to vacation in Martha's Vineyard

   Next time Rodman visits his friend KIM in North Korea, just don't let him back into USA. Problem solved.

   Just got a text asking if I want to go to church on Sunday. I laughed so hard I choked on my vodka and shot my d ildo across the room.

   Subway should have their 6 inch subs on a promotional sale @ 1/2 the cost of the 12inch.. They could have Tupac and Fiftyy cent sing it for them... Tu-Fitty, Tu-Fitty, Tu-Fitty six long!

   when I said pull out, I didnt mean shot me in the eye either!

   crakalakin

   Damn, looks like someone with a small peepee lost his girlfriend to a black dude!

   Vegetarians, your boyfriends want to break up with you.

   Thinks there are better things in life than alcohol. but alcohol makes up for not having them

   Ummm,,, I just tried to make a donation to the "Tourette Syndrome Foundation" in England,,,,, and they told me to Sod off.

   My wife is going to get a big surprise when she tries to sleep in tomorrow.... I superglued a thumbtack to the snooze button.

   Being dyslexic and online dating can be a big problem. My last date I thought it said nympho maniac. Turns out she was a necro'philic.

   Don't you hate when people call your name 20 times..... Then end up saying "NEVERMIND"? Nah, you gonna tell me SOMEthing.

   Checking In' on Facebook Places is really just another way of people showing other people how much better their day is/was than yours.

   I didn't trip... Nature was testing my balance!!

   I wish my homework was horny, so it would do itself. Just sayin.

   I like, likeing the quotes everybody hates:)

   hates being called handsome. If a twosome is s*x between 2 people, threesome being s*x between three people, etc...then you get my point!

   Running around the office naked with the cat