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Famous Marilyn Monroe dress sold for $4.6 million. I bet Joe DiMaggio sent more shots against that dress than the wall at Yankee Stadium! 
like a good neighbor state farm is there...with winning lotto numbers
went to the walk in clinic to find out why my willy was orange, the Dr. asked me "what do you do all day?" Well, I like to surf porn and eat cheetos.
Sex can not ruin a friendship! Thats like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.
carrying a Coach purse, driving a few years old Lexus and paying for your food order with your Access card! I hope you get herpes. Meanwhile I will try and get by on unemployment you f'n baby factory.
's tip of the day: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes.
I like poking dead things with a stick...kicking my neighbors cat...and yelling at nuns walking down the street..."you working or walking?"...let's see that on E-Harmony.
Kitchen Tip: Black currants resemble mouse turds but have a subtly different flavor... Substitute freely for turds in any recipe. *Martha Stuart Little*
Miley Cyrus puts the Ho in hottie
The quickest way to a woman's heart, is through her rib cage.
People with really bad attitudes should move to Colorado and Be Happy And Worry!
I've got 66 problems and one of them is that I'm upside down
When life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
"Dad what's an infinite loop?"..."Ask your mother."... "Mom what's an infinite loop?"... "Ask your father."... "Dad what's an infinite loop?"... "Ask your........
I used to talk the talk and walk the walk until I met you; and now, I'm howling with the wolves like you.
it just me or is Game of Thrones just a modern day Xena Princess Warrior?
"Her blue eyed Summer time smile Looks so good that it hurts Makes you wanna build A 10 percent down White picket fence house on this dirt." FGL
I like my women like I like my online forms, easy to submit.
Cocaine so white, it quietly forms a single file line.
*Sarah McLachlan holding me in her lap.... For just a few "likes" a day,,, You can help a poor guy that's starving for attention 