Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It’s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.

   People need to stop hiding behind the cloak of religious dogma and simply focus on becoming a better person.

   Gonna name our dog Sock so I can say “Come, Sock” over and over again at the dog park

   What is all this talk about sacrificing grandma in order to boost the economy??? You people are sick!

   FOX News has the most embarrasing moments on TV EVER! Every time you think they're done embarresing themselves - WOW!

   The Land of the Free but don't exercise your freedoms because that's not patriotic.

   "When we went to Mexico, he didn't even bring up the "wall" he choked!" -Hillary

   We lost our moon to Mars? This is so saddening.

   My wife asked why I carry a gun in the house, I said Spies. She laughed, I laughed ,the microwave laughed .

   I m@sturbated so good last night, when I woke up this morning, my dik was cooking breakfast.

   Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?

   People say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

   Sadly, even a "Hello Kitty" shaped turd would probably sell on eBay

   If an astronaut killed another astronaut on the moon, would he be arrested when he got back to earth? The only person on earth that can decide this is Miss Universe.

   The box for my new digital camera says the shutter speed is so fast you can photograph a hummingbird's wings, or a woman with her mouth shut.

   ...but where I come from, rain is a good thing.

   Saying that an iPhone is the best phone because of the battery life is like saying my bicycle is the best car when it comes to fuel economy.

   Wanna have some fun? Put a stethoscope around your neck, walk into a hospital waiting room and say "I have very bad news for one of you... I'll be back." Then walk out.

   Friend 1: Guys my wife wants to have 3 kids cuz of the 3 musketeers. Friend 2: Well my wife wants to have 7 because of the 7 dwarfs. Me: Guys I gotta go... my wife was watching 101 dalmations..

   Randomly text your friends "I lost my phone, can you please call it?"... If they call it, it is important you keep them as close friends, they will be prove of great value when the zombies come.