Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   HA!!!!...Washington and Oregon legalize pot ...now Twinkies and Ho-Hos are out of business.. just a matter of time now before they declare a a state of emergency in those states!!!!...OMG... it's the TWINKIPOCALYPSE ... Maybe the Mayans were right!

   The fat jokes may be funny, but remember, sometimes the fatties slim up and then the jokes on you.

   All I wanted to watch on TV tonight was, "the biggest loser." Looks like he's on network!!

   I bet Clint Eastwood felt real stupid when he found out it was Manti Te'os girlfriend in that chair & not Obama.

   69 = Do unto others as you would like them do unto you.

   In a club last night and this really ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my ar5e and said " give me your phone number sexy " I said " have you got a pen " she smiled and said " yes " I said " well feck off back to it,before the farmer notices your missing

   The three reasons for liking a status: 1) I agree with you. 2) I realize this is about me, of course I'm gonna like it. 3) I like you.

   My favorite Transformer is the one that transforms from a hoe into a housewife.

   Facebook asks me "Whats on my mind" so I post whats on my mind. If you don't like it, you know where the unfriend and block option is

   N Korea claims it is in a "state of war" with the south. We could end this easily by turning over South Korea's most valuable asset: Gangnam Style!

   Melania confirms in CNN interview that she is very angry at Moose and Squirrel.

   States are going blue like a pad in a period commercial

   Why is being heartless and full of hate the cool thing to do in this era?

   No one has a good time with you unless you pay them. And yes, they were laughing at you.

   These people don't even know what a "Temporary" refugee means. Temporary, Temporary, Temporary. Say it with me.

   The world is just 1 Keith Richards death away from imploding

   Oh dear god. Please get these feelings off of me.

   I think there should be something in science called "the reindeer effect". I don't know what it would be, but it would be cool to hear someone say "Gentleman what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect"

   Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a Pterodactyl on the coffee table.

   Black Friday: Because it's supposed to look like a riot