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If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives. 
"never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard on and never, ever trust a fart." Jack Nicholson
If I didn't use the bus,i would never have a man opening a door for me.
making a list of why you suck
wonders... How do crazy people go through the forest?They take the psycho path.
"I guess when they asked me to get the horse bridled and mount her, I did something completely wrong"
Lou Gehrig didn't have Lou Gehrig's disease. What's next? We find out Hugh Downs doesn't have Down's syndrome?
thinks that thinking about the thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think
No porn music has ever gone "bow-chicks-wow-wow" ever. EVER!
Im gunna make a copy of my facebook and sell it..
Hey, I'm your friend, I'm two-faced, and I wouldn't mind backstabbing you one day...because that's what all of the friends do am I right...
Kids 50yrs from now........."Grandpa sure tells long stories about AOL, CDs, and Myspace"
I love making people laugh. I just hate it when it happens when I get out of the shower and It's my wife. LOL!
You can say 'strawberry blonde' all you want. I know a fu*king ginger when I see one.
a hot girl just offered me some but it seemed a little fishy...
In Canada, Canadian Bacon is called ham...
Things Done today: ☑ Got groceries, ☑ Ate, ☑ Relaxed, ☑ [Censored].
If I had one wish, I wish my pen!s could cure cancer, if taken orally.
FOL- Fart out Loud.
My wife says I look tough with my headphones on...she doesnt need to know I am listening to Annie 