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why does snoop dogg carry around an umbrella... --fo drizzle! 
I feel confident that Laim Neeson would be there for me if I listed him as my emergency contact.
I hate when I'm at a restaurant, and they ask me, "Would you like a table?" , "No not all all, I came here to eat on the floor B!@tch!!!"....."Carpet for 3 Please!
Duck Tales should be the replacement for Duck Dynasty-Huey, Dewy, and Louie only had one McQuack!
Searchers of the missing Malaysian plane have found the Wings, Mr & Mrs Wing say they don't know where the plane is though!
♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 relatives I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny updates, 9 "in relationship to single, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites
I don't care what anyone says. MySpace is NOT dead. I just friended two hotties. Wilma and Betty. In ya face, suckas!
Tim Tebow predicted Alabama's win at 3:16 this afternoon
remember when cops really wanted to PROTECT and SERVE and teachers really wanted to EDUCATE children? I miss the 1800's
I'd like to give a shout out to my probation officer!! Woot woot I passed My drug test
A woman is suing Chuck E Cheese because it leads to "compulsive gambling". That is like suing Walmart for "compulsive uglyness".
And then God created the Middle East and said 'let there be terrorism and war'.
The reason women ask so many questions is because they have an extra why chromosome.................
undressing your profile pic with his eyes and you look hot
Got MLK?
His dad was Mexican, His mother Italian, Both were Jedi Masters..... He's, Old Bean Juan Cannoli. (lol, I'm not even sorry)
What’s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
Micheal J. Fox and Muhammad Ali met for the first time yesterday........ And yes,, They are Still shaking hands..
republican read the story of "robin hood" backwards...they want to steal from the poor & give to the rich
Nobody cleans a house faster than a guy expecting to get laid. 