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WOW,,,, my nana REALLY can't take a punch anymore 
Somebody please remind me who founded the Klan before uneducated accusations are made.
If a bitstrip cartoon defines your creativity level...we can't be friends.
Please Spare a thought for the man who told his wife he was going to China on that Malaysian flight no MH. 370 and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat.!
It's throw back Thursday (chugs a beer).
Cop: Why do you have a lighter if you don't smoke cigarettes? Me: Sir, you never know when you might need a fire.
You look familiar. Have I stalked you before?
I visited my Proctologist today & he informed me that my condition might be rectified
Oh...wow, my wife gives great hand jobs while she's sleeping.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and p orn collection.
So it's "cute" when I take a bath in the kitchen sink as a baby but "a felony" when I do it as an adult? This is the worst Applebee's ever
WTF Domino's, a cookie pizza sound way better than chicken with $hit on it!!
The rest of the world loves soccer. That's what Russia said about communism.
Sorry I was checking out your ass during your entire emotional breakdown.
Yesterday there was a water main break right next to UCLA. Water was shooting out of the ground for four hours before it was turned off. They say 20 million gallons of water flooded the campus. I didn't even know L.A. had that much water.
Did you hear what happened to Willie Nelson's hair? They sold it. There was an auction this week and a pair of Willie Nelson's braids sold for $37,000. It's a good deal because each braid has a street value of $80,000
somewhere there a stoner watching the news hearing about Ebola & they ask "a bowl of what"
Sorry I called your kid a freak when I saw that he was left-handed But dude, they can totally fix that now with science and therapy
People are always saying "live and learn" and I'm all like whoa, whoa, whoa...one thing at a time please.
My gf always takes a "long bath" after a Ryan Gosling movie. I don't get it, but it does give me plenty of time to beat off to Ryan Gosling. 