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Thoughts and prayers going out to everyone affected by Wind Noise Cancer. 
The Superbowl halftime show will go down in history as "The Vag Chronicles."
Don’t forget to thank a teacher... for their part in creating an entire generation of uneducated, privileged, clueless wannabe social media celebrities with zero work ethic.
If the Seahawks win the SuperBowl XLIX It'll be amazing how the world will not give a fcuk.
One day, as a little boy, I wrote to Santa Clause. "Please send me a little brother." Santa Clause wrote me back,,, "Ok, send me your mother."
"I've seen fire & I've seen rain" -James Taylor & LITERALLY EVERY HUMAN
I sometimes wonder.... Is the word tofu, short for " tried-to-fool ya?"
gene pools are man made...nobody is worried about your threats. repent
If you harvest ears of corn from a plant it's likely a corn plant, if you pick beans it's most likey from bean plant and if you harvest human organs it pretty much has to be from a human. There just isn't anywhere else to get them.
I came, I saw, I got jiggy with it, I'm now discussing my options with a court appointed attorney.
There was a time when the word "Gay" meant happy and the rainbow was a meteorological phenomenom, now both represents boy who likes another boy.........smh
There's nothing worse than being suck in traffic and having to take a dump
My wife said to me "Look, I need to talk to you about your fixation with sh it". "Pull up a stool," I replied.
Apple has a new device out for Chinese people. The 'iOpener'
If you had to die, this would be the best way... Clint Eastwood shooting you while Morgan Freeman narrates it.
Wishing my American friends a safe and happy Independence Day, and a gentle reminder that they were almost Canadians had Canada decided to raze their Whitehouse instead of turning back to Canada for beer. :)
My mom found out that I was smoking weed and she told me to "pack my bags" LOL it's called a bowl mom and it's already packed
If you are a pharmacist and you never yell "Now take these suppositories and shove'em straight up your a s s!" Then we could never be friends
Just saw my ex with her new man and had to smile because I KNOW there's not a place on her he can kiss that hasn't been coated by my man gravy. :)
My better half wants me to go to the store and pick up some spices...I told her"Ain't nobody got no thyme for that"... 