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I'm laying on my Girlfriends yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I'm in "downward facing chalk outline" pose. 
the closest thing we ever got to a 3D movie was my friends Donkey punching me while watching Rocky
can somebody fix my parents...they always say their broke
I don't know whether to laugh at you or pity you
Woke up feeling mean...the go and rent a ice cream truck, turn the music full blast and park it outside a weightwatchers meeting mean.
Sometimes I wake up GRUMPY; other times I let her sleep.
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Call me the national guard then cause I wash mine before and after I piss..
Women are like beer, some go down better then others..
Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?
Watching the Biggest Loser Finale. Hate it when they jump up and down after the results. Holy chicken wings...yuck!
Thoughts and prayers going out to everyone affected by Wind Noise Cancer.
The Superbowl halftime show will go down in history as "The Vag Chronicles."
Don’t forget to thank a teacher... for their part in creating an entire generation of uneducated, privileged, clueless wannabe social media celebrities with zero work ethic.
If the Seahawks win the SuperBowl XLIX It'll be amazing how the world will not give a fcuk.
One day, as a little boy, I wrote to Santa Clause. "Please send me a little brother." Santa Clause wrote me back,,, "Ok, send me your mother."
"I've seen fire & I've seen rain" -James Taylor & LITERALLY EVERY HUMAN
I sometimes wonder.... Is the word tofu, short for " tried-to-fool ya?"
gene pools are man made...nobody is worried about your threats. repent
If you harvest ears of corn from a plant it's likely a corn plant, if you pick beans it's most likey from bean plant and if you harvest human organs it pretty much has to be from a human. There just isn't anywhere else to get them. 