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Keep looking my way, My head is held high! You wanna bring me down? I dare you to try! 
just saw George Washington advertised for deadliest warriors I think they're running out of warriors
If I see one more picture of how many degrees your vehicle says it is outisde...
My girl and I are like oil and vinegar. We have to shake things up to make it work.
A dentist married a manicurist, They fought tooth and nail.
Would buy a big dog and pay a midget to ride it
I'm seeing alot of lesbian couples with kids. This tells me that men needa start making better fathers than women. Quit slackin fellas.
Admit It, At least once in your Life, You Have Tried To Squeeze your eyes Shut and Shoot Lasers Out of them With Intense Concentration.
Hurricane Irene threatens the East Coast of USA. If MTV won't cancel Jersey Shore, God will.
I'm laying on my Girlfriends yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I'm in "downward facing chalk outline" pose.
the closest thing we ever got to a 3D movie was my friends Donkey punching me while watching Rocky
can somebody fix my parents...they always say their broke
I don't know whether to laugh at you or pity you
Woke up feeling mean...the go and rent a ice cream truck, turn the music full blast and park it outside a weightwatchers meeting mean.
Sometimes I wake up GRUMPY; other times I let her sleep.
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Call me the national guard then cause I wash mine before and after I piss..
Women are like beer, some go down better then others..
Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?
Watching the Biggest Loser Finale. Hate it when they jump up and down after the results. Holy chicken wings...yuck! 