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Give it up, we get it... Your wife is your dog and your girlfriend is your hand 
Michael Vick announced that he is probably going to get another Dog soon! Dogs now are like ''Meow!''
remember when you were a child, you used to blow bubbles? well he's back in town
So whats the deal with all the Athletes, biting their GOLD Medals.... Is England's economy that Bad or are they hoping they are the Choclate filled Medals?????
I wish STD's on all people who still say YOLO.
Roses are red.... Violets are blue... I waited till the last second, and Hallmark was closed... So are you still mad at me or what?
Thinking about getting the new iPad 23 that comes out today, but might hold off to next Friday and get the iPad 24.
H.O.E.S = Happily offering everybody sex.
ha here I thought LMS meant lick my sucker
If I ever get caught soliciting a prostitute, I'm going to say "These aren't the droids I've been looking for!".
Lost my Droid for an hour. The day I lost my daughter at the zoo is now the second most terrifying experience of my life
You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you learn, you've been hurt, but you're alive. You're not perfect, you're human.
If a woman is talking in the forest and no ones around to hear her, is she still wrong?
Look dude I have no problem with the tattoo that you have. It's the instant attitude change that came along with it. Trust me you are still a pu$$y. Having a half moon inked into your shoulder did not change that.
Just remember nobody's perfect...Cuz i'm sure even Mother Teresa blamed her fart on a kid or two...
Dogs are tough I tell you...... I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.
My friend absolutely insisted that I come to her muder mystery dinner party, but then she died suddenly under mysterious circumstances
ME: Monday ƪ(´~`")∫ Tuesday (-____-)"" Wednesday (⌣́_⌣̀) Thursday Ҩ( > ̯ < )Ҩ Friday (ˆ⌣ˆ)ง Saturday ~('▽'~) (~'▽')~ Sunday (˘ʃ_ƪ˘)
"Let's just be friends" is a woman's way of saying she would rather mutilate her v@gina than sleep with you.
I think women should give it up for lent, if you know what I mean ;) 