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Don'T write HAPPY BIRTHDAY on my wall...Just send ur gift to this address!! 
Bin Laden sees what BP's done, and he's like, "Man, I've got to step up my game."
Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you DON'T CARE who rules the world! THIS IS WHAT I CALL ATTITUDE .......
has been told by his girlfriend that he keeps having mood swings, so in an attempt to monitor my moods she got me one of those mood rings. When I'm in a good mood it goes green but when I'm in a bad mood it leaves a red mark on her f*%king forehead.
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Smile and the world will smile back at you .. :D
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
Badder then your Ex and Better then your next
I was angry a few minutes ago, but then someone gave me a cookie to calm me down.....YES, that STILL WORKS
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
nothing tears a family apart like pack of wild dogs.
Every day is free Slurpee day if you own a shotgun.
My pet rock pees on the floor.... Bad boy!! (Then I spank his butt)... Then mom lectures me for 2 hrs. about hitting rock bottom.
Just my luck. Switched to e-cigarettes, got e-cancer...
Man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
She's never speechless. Well except for when I shove her panties in her mouth...
The ultimate question... is Petsmart supposed to be "Pet smart" or "Pets mart"?
To all the girls that wear a lot of make up. It's a face not a colouring book!
My phone's broken, if you need me, message me on MySpace .
I'm not weird, I'm normal... You're just not used to me. 