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You b*tch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country. 
Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex 'cause you don't want that late text "I think I'm late" text
If drugs aren't allowed in sports then why is makeup allowed in beauty contests?
If the Lord is always with me, that dude's sat through a lot of jacking off.
Apparently one in ten people in the UK live next to a paedophile. Not me, I live next to two gorgeous 13 year olds
2 + 2 = Fish. 3 + 3 = Eight. 7 + 7 = Triangle. LIKE if you get it!!!!
Here's To The Kids Who are losing their will to keep fighting. Stay Strong.
69… you get what you give!
Judging by the fact that you wear Crocs, there is no way I will walk any distance in your shoes.
I've given up begging my girlfriend to swallow. From now on, she can deal with her anorexia on her own.
Today was really good !!! My ex saw me with my new girl at the mall at lunch , I'm guessing my ex had a huge peanut and jealous sandwich washed down by a nice bottle of "hateraide" !!
A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa send me your mother
You know what would really be epic? If people would stop using the work epic when describing things that actually aren't.
So that means when its 2013 next year, the century will be a teenager and not talk to us, and will know everything
Aahhh, 2012 is here. This year, I will try to look on the bright side of things, to see the positive in all situations, to see my RED SOLO CUP half full :)
Ladies; Take care of your eyes, they're the only balls you have.
"I love to cook with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food."
I can just imagine a conversation between Mike Jones and an owl...
Just saw a redhead drinking Ginger Ale. It looks to be making him stronger. We must stop him before it's too late.
My Favorite color is Booze!! 