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When emptying email spam folder, why does anyone need to be asked are you sure you want to empty this folder. We do not need to be asked are you sure. Yes I am f#cking sure ! ! ! 
Everything I know about sex I learned from internet porn. I hope to one day try buffering.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required to work there, "must not pop bubbles"
'If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
You know you a hood rat when you can't participate in Black Friday because yo government check ain't in until Monday. .
"Kiss me" she said. "Kiss me like I've never been kissed before"....So I crammed my tongue up her nose.
In a bear attack, hold your hands up and approach calmly. Palm strike to the sternum. You're attacking a bear now.
If I go into a restaurant with two other people I like to say my last name is Stooge, just to hear the hostess call out "Stooge, party of 3"
I turn down my radio to park my car.
"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."~JFK "How's it going, Sunshine?" ~ Barack Obama campaigning in Sunrise, Florida
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use dryer sheets again!
If it's between love and losing And to never have known the feeling, I'd still side with love And if I end up lonely at least I will be there knowing I believe in love
In this kind of weather I like to get a space heater, a good book, a pot of coffee, and curl up on the toilet.
accidentally turned off his facebook anti crap filter and was scared by the amount of quizzes, farm, fairyland, mafia and virtual f&cking cupcake crap you people post, if it wasn't for facebook purity I would delete alot of you
Always finishes what I sta
What's worse than a joke without a punchline?
When I'm drunk and in the woods, I always have the urge to try to juggle squirrels.
thank you for trojan for sending the defective condom in the pack my parents bought, thanks to you, I'M HERE!!! Happy Fathers day DAD!!!!!
got a nice little stomach bug last night. I must have gone to the bathroom at least 30 times today. Now I know how Jake Gyllenhaal must have felt crawling out of that tent the next morning.
busier than a one toothed man at a corn on the cob eating contest!!! 