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So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans? 
Look grandma. You told me to bring something to the wake. If you meant a casserole, you should have said so..... Now help me load this drum kit.
I named the spider in my kitchen 'Kris Kross' because it made me jump.
That awkward moment when you're chilling at the park and Bruno Mars walks by dragging a piano.
solving all the world's problems--one roll of duct tape at a time...
NAACP blasts CNN for its lack of diversity in prime time. Strangely silent on MSNBC wonderbread lineup.
if you have never given yourself troll hair while taking a bath .. then you probably don't have a soul
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
going to Biker Night at The Blue Oyster Bar.
"Sharks are like dogs. They only bite when you touch their private parts."
just saved alot of money on his car insurance by threatening his agent with a golf club!
I never thought I would live to see another President worse then Jimmy Carter, but it appears I am being corrected....
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police
I've just popped down with my floral tribute to Amy Winehouse, last years Xmas tree. It's the perfect tribute, 5 & a half feet, dead & surrounded by needles.
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens.
Lets elect a black pope! Said no Catholic ever.....
USA - 5 CAN - 3 ... Sorry Canada, but we're gonna beat you at your own game.
y do women wear white on there wedding day? so the dishwasher matches the fridge and the stove;)
I'm confused at why people need to be told how to lose weight. Is it really that confusing?? Quit shoving so much food down your throat....the end!!!
I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I'm in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?” 