Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Ever have one of those days when your keys kicked your ass at a game of hide and seek?
←Rate | 04-15-2011 09:08 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think people must start requesting some sort of C.V or background profile on paper before engaging into relationships, would be advantages to know things like ful service history, Mileage, accurate shoe size and of cause HIV statuses
←Rate | 04-15-2011 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the missus was not happy when I took out the tampons in her box and replaced them with party poppers!
←Rate | 04-15-2011 08:39 by UK Bloke Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that if ever there comes a time when air is going to be sold, I bet the first people to start that business would be the guys making potato crisps....well, they are already selling us bags of air with some crisps!
←Rate | 04-15-2011 06:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 06:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd be a terrible fireman, if anyone said their roof was on fire I'd tell'em "You don't need no water, let the mutha f'er burn!"
←Rate | 04-15-2011 05:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon An awesum cook, even the smoke alarm is cheerin me on! :)
←Rate | 04-15-2011 05:42 by dre Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finding the lost TV remote I looked between the bed sheets. Just wish I could find a hot naked women there now and then.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 05:23 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are a Man with a wife or girlfriend that is not a fat-ass, nagging, tree hugging, situation controlling, "Ive got a headache" prude; then re-post this and let them know how much you appreciate them. Any Takers? I didnt think so.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 03:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a wondrous tranquility being in a work restroom stall in an empty restroom. The song of evacuational freedom may ring unbridled and resonant.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 02:25 by punkie Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what someone said?
←Rate | 04-15-2011 02:16 by Felesar Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hand Sanitizer... the best way to find invisible cuts for over 10 years now!
←Rate | 04-14-2011 23:53 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon By the super powers vested in me... I can now pronounce you deleted on fb and blocked if I want to.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 23:48 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon We had social networking when we were kids too... I think it was called "outside" back then though.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 23:41 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon ''Are you free tomorrow?'' No, i'm expensive.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 23:39 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today, an insect settled on my monitor. Being lazy, I tried waving my mouse at it, but it wouldn't move. So I loaded a picture of Justin Bieber. Worked like a charm.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 23:22 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon *teacher textes student* "dear student, I know you're texting. no one would be looking a their crotch and smiling"
←Rate | 04-14-2011 23:06 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon The condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of my job for a week every month!"The tampon replies, "yeah? And when you don't do your damn job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!!"
←Rate | 04-14-2011 22:56 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Air Traffic Contollers, It's not enought that the FAA has security patting down 6 year olds, but for the love of God, take a six pack of Red Bull in a cooler with you when you go to work at night. Sincerely, the public.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 22:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Home phone rings* Me-Hello Tom-Hey dude where r you (dude r you stupid,,,u called my home number nd you asking me where I am.....wtf)
←Rate | 04-14-2011 22:41 by BEGO Comments (0)  



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