Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   For the past 20 years I've been trying to figure out how to "Stop" Collaborate" and "Listen"

   I'm so out of shape, I threw my back out taking a poop!

   needs to stop listening what people are telling him to do and start focusing on what he really wants in life..... pie!

   Sober ________ and Drunk _________ don't talk. Someone please fill me about last night.

   I hate those stupid orange juice commercials that make it seem like no matter what happens throughout the day as long as you have some "orange juice" it'll be okay.....

   A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.

   I had this crazy dream that I was on facebook writing about how I hate my insomnia. Oh wait (posted at 2am)

   I have to constantly remind myself of the fact that life is too short to waste it on getting mad at idiots

   ❒Taken ❒Single ✔ Dont care anymore

   I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.

   I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

   I don't hate you, I never could. I don't regret meeting you, I never will. But I do regret our relationship. It destroyed our friendship!

   True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.

   If you say something really fast it can sound really easy or really hard.

   I just took the garbage out. In 3D

   So... after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

   I solve many of my problems by simply ignoring them

   After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world

   I took everything with a grain of salt and now I have hypertension.

   Spring makes every day feel like you're stuck in the office on a Friday afternoon.