Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I like to write out my self-worth in roman numerals. It looks so much more impressive.

   well America looks like you can kill little girls and get away with it these days...Who wants to track down Bieber with me?

   If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape so as not to frighten the dogs

   A rich girl on a safari tour in South Africa saw a crocodile for the first time.... and screamed, Oh my God! LACOSTE

   I may have opened the door, but you entered of your own free will.

   Dear "LOL".....Thanks for helping me make people think their jokes were funny.

   I have a stable job but women leave right after I tell them how hard it is dealing with horses

   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and beer gut and still think they're sexy...

   Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers?

   I like to keep confetti in my underwear. That way when a girl gets there she knows its party time!

   Sometimes I want to send animal crackers to PETA..... half eaten

   Even fire will break out in a sweat in this weather and then put itself out.

   God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.

   I really dont get the need for these giant 24 hour combination superstores. I have never in the middle of the night decided I just had to have a chainsaw, bicycle helmet and whipped cream.... wait... I take that back....

   Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

   Laugh at your problems, everybody else does

   Pretending to care about what the birthday card says, but you really just want the money.

   Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

   Tall girl & Short guy = Awkward. Tall girl & Tall guy = Cute. Short girl & Tall guy = Adorable. Short girl & Short guy = AWW.

   5.Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.