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My dad still has the mind of a scientist. In a jar on the mantelpiece in his basement, right under the moose head.
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12-20-2011 20:31 by
SuthernFukr
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No one at work will question the handful of pills you are swallowing if you just say that it's what keeps you from murdering them all.
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12-20-2011 20:26 by
SuthernFukr
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The House of Representatives should be replaced with a mix of carnies, some Wayans, a few Pilates teachers, & the Oakland A's.
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12-20-2011 20:25 by
SuthernFukr
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Dear Girls, when a boy pauses his video game to text you.. Marry him.
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12-20-2011 20:24 by
BEGO
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Got a note from Santa, said I was in the record books for being on his naughtly list for more than 40 consecutive years......... I guess he didn't appreciate my wish list as I got a return to sender with a LMAO attached......
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12-20-2011 20:23 by
Peter Gillespie
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Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.
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12-20-2011 20:22 by
BEGO
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper
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12-20-2011 20:21 by
BEGO
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Some people are like fast food…they never look as good in real life as they do on TV.
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12-20-2011 20:20 by
BEGO
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I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
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12-20-2011 20:20 by
SuthernFukr
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My life is like 1-ply toilet paper..I get the job done but I have no idea how.
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12-20-2011 20:19 by
SuthernFukr
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I wonder if Tommy Lee, Tom Jones, and Tommy Lee Jones ever get each other's mail?
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12-20-2011 20:17 by
SuthernFukr
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When you have sex with someone for the first time you get an idea of what their ex liked
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12-20-2011 20:09 by
fadolo
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This time of year makes me miss the two guys from the old Miller's Outpost commercials.
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12-20-2011 18:21 by
Goodeolboy
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Whenever there's a ping pong compatition on tv I secretely hope Tom Hanks shows up, paddle in hand, and just destroys everyone.
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12-20-2011 17:39 by
@OMG_Its_Matt
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You're leaning on your left elbow arent you!
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12-20-2011 16:48 by
@OMG_Rel8able
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Now that one Kim is gone, Kardashian can go too
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12-20-2011 15:40 by
Fat Alec
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Don't worry guys, Casey Anthony will eventually go to jail for stealing back her sports memorabilia at gunpoint. Let's just ride this out.
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12-20-2011 15:01 by
SEAN
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With our lousy credit rating, next time we wanna buy a tank, Canada is gonna have to cosign.
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12-20-2011 15:00 by
SEAN
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We don't have a chimney but I've assured my children that Santa and anyone else could easily sneak into our home at night.
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12-20-2011 14:57 by
SEAN
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The life expectancy of reindeer is 8-10 years. We can stop singing about Rudolph now.
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12-20-2011 14:56 by
SEAN
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