Funny Status Messages

   Today is my day off so I'll spend it worrying that I'm wasting my day off before I have to go back to work.

   I went to tue premature ejaculation help group today,but there was no one there. I guess I came too early.

   Who the hell is this Will Power guy everyone is talking about? Maybe I'll run into him at the bar after my A.A. meeting.

   I drink while I work out. I call it Bacardio.

   After years of being called 'behind the times', I've finally got a trendy haircut. Just check out my profile pic on MySpace, losers! (

   If Facebook gets any slower, I'm just going to jog to each of your houses and shout out stuff.

   Just walked into the kitchen and a broom fell towards me. I yelled "ah!" and pushed it away. Bring it on ninjas!

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   Dear Wednesday, Please treat me nicely, Thanks.

   I found my first grey pubic hair today....normally things like this don't bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.

   Im not a Giants fan but I pay NY taxes so I can root for them whenever I want.

   Back in the day people kept promises. I know this cause plenty of people crossed their hearts and hoped to die and none of them had a needle stuck in their eye!

   We had a happy marriage; it was all that living together afterwards that caused the trouble.

   If it's called a walkie talkie,. How come a vacuum isn't called a Pushy sucky?

   Tragedy strikes Honah Lee, Puff the Magic Dragon was found dead by the sea. Not a good start to the year of the dragon.

   I must have been extreme snoring last night. I woke up this morning and my uvula was on the ceiling.

   biggest lie women tell: be honest, I wont get mad

   We are living in a age where losing your mobile is more hurtful than having a break up!

   Here's an idea on how our Government function....Democrat stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the Republican stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SH!TT!ER!!'

   Behind every successful status update there is : Ctrl+C & Ctrl+V