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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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If I'm not in your "top stories" when you open Facebook, then your Facebook is broken! ~ Me, probably.
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02-09-2012 04:59 by
CindyAnn
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When I think of a good status update in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it's too late.
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02-09-2012 04:35 by
CindyAnn
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Just when I think I couldn't possibly be any lazier, I surprise myself.
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02-09-2012 04:14 by
CindyAnn
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Does anybody else check their keyboard after somebody mispells something to see how close the letters were?
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02-09-2012 04:11 by
CindyAnn
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I'm a kind and generous person, except for those days when, for no apparent reason, I hate pretty much everyone.
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02-09-2012 04:06 by
CindyAnn
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If I ever get a Jury Summons, I figure I can just send them a link to my Facebook page to get out of it.
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02-09-2012 04:04 by
CindyAnn
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I completed one push up without stopping. Normally I go half way then take a break
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02-09-2012 04:03 by
mtravica
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Instead of birthday notifications imagine if Facebook sent PMS notifications, so you'll know when to leave a girl the heck alone.
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02-09-2012 03:37
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Don't hate the a$$hole, hate the chick that made him that way.
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02-09-2012 03:36
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Ladies: Stop looking for a man to sweep you off your feet.....Sweeping is your job.
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02-09-2012 02:48 by
Sky
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Baskin Robbins called. They said, "Thanks to you, we're down to 5 flavors."
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02-08-2012 19:37 by
Mike
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You know you're really awesome at telling a story when strangers near you start wandering closer to listen.
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02-08-2012 19:34 by
snott
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Enough with the procrastination,, it's time now for excuses.
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02-08-2012 19:29 by
snott
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Doctors say a drink a day is good for the heart. I'm gonna live forever!
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02-08-2012 19:12
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I got them moves like Jagger! (by which I mean I move like a 70 year old man)
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02-08-2012 19:09
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What happens if you choke to death on a Life Saver?
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02-08-2012 19:02
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If a girl stabbed me on our first date, how many days should I wait to ask her out again?
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02-08-2012 18:59
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Still haven't heard Obama or GOP candidates say anything about getting rid of Jersey Shore or deporting Justin Bieber back to Canada…
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02-08-2012 18:37 by
XX-FOXY
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The cost of living has gone up so much that my wife is now having sex with me as she can't afford the batteries now !!'
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02-08-2012 18:31
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When I get old, I don't want people thinking, "what a sweet old grandpa..." I want them to worry - "I hope he is not armed with AK 47..."
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02-08-2012 18:17 by
XX-FOXY
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