Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Rupert Murdoch is said to be deeply touched by the messages from family and friends left on Whitney Houstons phone.

   People call it Valentine's Day, I call it Tuesday.

   We would have a lot more time if we didn't have "Loading" time.

   SOME PEOPLE WILL THINK THIS STATUS HAS SOMETHING IMPORTANT, INFORMATIONAL, OR EVEN USEFUL... JUST BECAUSE I USED CAPITAL LETTERS!

   Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces.

   Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're panicking over who's next to go.

   I always feel sad when I white van drives right past me... It makes me feel like I'm not kidnap worthy

   One man's "Ewwwww" is another man's "I'd hit that".

   Afraid of dying alone? Become a bus driver.

   I saw a sign today that made me P!$$ my pants! It said "Bathroom closed."

   You Know You High if you use the flashlight on your phone, to try and find your phone.

   Planet Saturn = 7 rings Michael Jordan = 6 rings Kobe Bryant = 5 rings LeBron James = 1 really nice headband

   I was good at math, until they decided to start mixing in the alphabet too.

   Remember to always stay away from houses when there's a full moon. They turn into warehouses...

   Nerd Wedding: Instead of saying "I do" They say "I accept the terms & conditions"

   I wonder if aliens ask each other, do you believe in humans?

   Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to lay on my kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb.

   you know your scared when you lose track of a spider and become a victim in your own home...

   Want to learn how to beatbox? Just say "boots and cats" over and over again. MIND = BLOWN

   Alien 1: "Did the humans receive our message?" Aliens 2 : "Yes, but they named it Dubstep and now they dance to it."