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Guy gets arrested for smuggling cocaine into America. Next week, another guy arrested for smuggling it out. Do they want the stuff or not? 
A cop pulled me over and said "I need your license, I need your insurance and I need your registration!" I said "What about ME & my NEEDS!?"
Am I allowed to see the Hunger Games on a full stomach?
Being a Care Bear must be exhausting. How can anything care so much about everything? It's not possible!
I want to start an electric company called Grayskull so that millions of homes can be run by the power of Grayskull.
What's the point of having nice boobs if you're going to cover them up? Stop being so greedy and unbutton your shirt like I do.
Only ghetto people go to a family party, complain about the food and STILL take 3 plates home.
HoodTranslations101: "Sh*t just got real" = The situation has escalated to the highest point of seriousness & is no longer a laughin matter
If you are the winner of Friday's $500 million Mega Millions jackpot can receive the winnings in one lump sum, yearly installments, or one tank of gas.
Dear M.Jordan please start making condoms. So these n*gas will start wearing them.....
The ULTIMATE a-hole move would be if Bill gates bought every combination of the lotto. Only 176 million combos so he'd double his money unless there was additional winners.
When I think of terrorism, I think of lynchings, dogs, bombings, assassinations, slavery, chain gangs, Jim crow..not poor Afghans villagers
Wow! The economy is so bad people are even stealin from Dr.Suess now!
At least Whitney Houston died doing what she loved. Cocaine.
most pirates get their eye patches just a little while after they get their hooks
it me or does the pope look like a super villian?
I can't wait for the next Micahel Bay movie, where he destroys a kids tv show,.....My Little Pony.....yeah now you girls don't think it's so funny lol
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your ass.
I just tenderized the pork... now to put my pants back on and go start dinner.
After reading your recent updates, I'm surprised that Facebook hasn't yet asked you, "Whatever's on your mind, could you keep it to yourself?"
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