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Been keeping this inside my head for too long. Ladies, sometimes those really thin eye brows, freak us guys out. Please attend to your eye brows responsibly 
Sorry, Rick Santorum, but you have to carry your dead presidential campaign to full term...
If a cop pulls you over and asks for papers, he does not mean the zig zag papers.... :/
If you didn't make one corner of an old metal swing set pop up in the backyard, you sucked growing up!
Yeah okay. I wanna subscribe to your facebook modeling page. You and the 9,847,357 others who have no chance of advancing beyond this level.
In order to catch a cab,,,,, one must think like a cab first.
Whatever happen to all the Kony fever?
There's got to be ALOT of pressure on Adele's new boyfriend to treat her like sh*t.
I just won an award for being lazy,,,It even came with atrophy
My kids outgoing voicemail message says,," I'm sorry I won't come to the phone right now. It's 2012. LEARN TO TEXT."
You gotta go for personality, guys.... They'll ALL look like grandma someday,,
If you LOVE something, set it free.. If it comes back to you,,,,you love a boomerang
Apparently women who go off the pill may become less attractive to their significant other. Who knew the pill was like beer goggles.
a lot of ppl tend to over react to the situation before even knowing the true story
If FOOD was a WOMAN i'd Marry her...
I'm starting to forget how the alphabet goes... ABCDEFGHIJKLMFAO.....
The internets recipe for Cream Pie is different than my Grandmothers
I wonder if Michael Jackson looks like he did in Thriller yet
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
If you play a Nicki Minaj song and a Snoop song at the same time, you can understand what they're saying 