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Loud music is cheaper than a psychiatrist.. 
I hate it when pedestrians get all up in my grill.
Lady GaGa was born this way 8======D
You win some, you booze some.
Women always say they can do whatever a man can do. I bet they can't tuck their balls between their legs.
You are limited by what you settle for.
I want to pick up a hitchhiker before I die. Not like right before I die, but you know.
After all the whinning and complaining about Obama... Is this the best the GOP has to offer?? PATHETIC! Get ready for another socialist 4 years, next time propose or attempt to compromise,
Water companies suggest reusing your bath water to help with the drought . I tried it , My cup of tea was f8@king awful ....... !!!
wish I had spidey powers...i would shoot a web from my ana! glan and build a house
Turns out, “Dress for the job you want," does NOT mean you should show up to a job interview in footie pajamas.
I like songs that list a lot of things then have a chorus about the end of the world that's on fire as we know it & it's always burning.
Newt Gingrich bows out of Presidential race to focus on being the world's largest high-fructose corn syrup storage silo.
I don't think Chumbawumba is getting back up this time.
Nicholas Cage is the Nickleback of actors.
In high school I was voted "most likely to succeed". Boy, did I prove those idiots wrong!
Today, I again lulled myself in to believing that I can eat at a Taco Bell without ending up screaming for an epidural from the men's room.
A new study found polar bears are capable of swimming vast distances. And they laughed when I warned of an aquatic polar bear invasion
Why is it I can't get mobile reception sometimes, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
I hope I never become one of those dads who yells, "Shut the door, you're letting all the cold air out!" like some sort of cold air hoarder. 